I can breathe again.

Tomorrow, My senior year of softball will begin. I am counting down the minutes! Here's to the gym floor burns I have accumulated over the past couple of months. These shall be replaced by raspberries, burns, and dirt covered blood. Gross, I know. I do love fielding off a gym floor, and I love hitting in the cage, and runnng around inside.. not. Here's to the sunshine, fresh air, and freshly raked dirt beneath my cleats. Oh how I have missed you. Hoodies, sweats, and nike shox, replaced with button-ups, underarmour socks, and spikes. Welcome to the life of sports bras, ponytails, and no makeup. Team dinners, rock band and one tree hill tuesdays. Gummy Sharks, handshakes,and ice baths. Our relationship with the trainers start now. Here's to the dirt in your teeth, ears, and anywhere else you can imagine. Here's to the holes in your underarmour, and orange.. EVERYWHERE. Welcome back to stats, chalk, and crazy dugouts. Mom making you undress in the garage so that you don't track orange dirt in the house. Ice water, tanlines, and busy schedules. The entertainment of my parents in the stands will bring a smile to my face.. right after I tell them to be quiet. Bus rides, practices, and sleepovers. Here's to orange shower water, tan faces and hands, sore muscles, and great moments. Here's to the errors, strike outs, and lost games which will only make us stronger. Here's to our opponents who push us to be better, the coaches who spend hours training us, and our family and friends who have been there every step of the way. Here's to he begining of what we hope to be the greatest memories, moments, and games of our high school careers. The memories and relationships that we will hold onto forever begin today. The last time we lace up our cleats and wear the blue and green is not too far away, so let's make the most of it. We started together, as a team, and now look at us. College, families, and careers are soon to come. But let's not quite forget the career that is most important right now. Softball. Through the good and bad, trust in each other, and good things will happen. Tomorrow, we lace up our cleats, and begin to play for the name that is most important for the next 3 months.. the one on the front of our jerseys. Softball.. it's been much to long.

Dirty Dancing

hmm.. where should I begin? No, my title does not include bumping, grinding, jersey shore turnpiking, fist pumping, dougie, or break dancing. While a senior in the year 2011, these words are part of the dance vocabulary, yet, there are probably a total of 3 and a half people that can do these dances justice in this bubble we call o-town.

The question: Walking up and asking a person face to face is completely sufficient, yet completely and utterly frowned upon in this establishment. Ladies and gents, you must spend hours and hours thinking, devising, and scheming a sneaky, destructive, annoying, and unnecessary way to ask that boy or girl you've had your eyes on. and no, it doesn't stop there.. you will then wait for 2 weeks for that guy or girl to answer you 3 days before the dance because they took too long thinking of a clever way to say yes. If you're a girl at Timpanogos High School, I would suggest asking that special someone the day after the last dance or he or she might get snatched. Why must you ask them 3 months in advance? Because girls are insane. Oh and just a little food for thought:Do not, and I mean do not even THINK about asking someone who another girl has even thought about having as her boyfriend. This will just lead to many problems for you later. Girls will be girls.

The group: You must then spend days, tears, arguments, and drama deciding who is going to be in your group. If you ask me, just go alone, who cares about the group, you'll have less gray hair if you just ditch the whole group situation. "I can't go in her group because my date doesn't like hers, I can't go with her she stole my eraser in second grade, We have the same hair color there is no way I can be seen in a picture next to her". It goes on and on and on. Save yourself the time and energy and ditch the group.

Planning: You must then spend multiple days trying to come up with something that everyone in your group agrees with. You must find a day date, a dress, shoes, makeup person, hair person, a car, tickets, dinner, after the dance, who's riding with who, who get's what seat, what kind of lip gloss one will be using, nails, eyebrows,legs, arms, heads, shoulders, knees, and toes. By the time you are completely finished planning, you will commit to yourself never to ask someone to a dance again.

The Dance: when the bass starts pumping let's all put our hands in the air and jump around until our legs are too tired to jump anymore. And then we will just stand there and wait for someone who thinks they know how to break dance to make a circle and make a fool of themselves while they do what they think they call "battling". We'll all clap and cheer because I think he just did what the Jabbawockeez did on season 1 of ABDC, give him a a creepy white mask and he's destined for greatness! There's those who form a train with their entire group and weave in and out of the crowd while holding onto the person's shoulders who is ahead of them while the rest look on in embarrassmant. There's those who stand in the corner and drink water because their mom made them go. There's those who think they can dance.. but can't. Those who know they can't dance.. but try. Those who try way too hard. Those who are afraid of their dates. Those who are measuring the space between them to make sure to have 2 book of mormon widths between them. Those who are too afraid to mess up their hair. Those who let loose and go out of control. Those who makeout so ghetto fabulously during the slow songs. And those who run to the bathroom because they need an excuse to not see their exboyfriend dancing with another girl. Welcome to high school dances ladies and gentleman. This will be followed up with an after party, where? To be decided. Who's going to sit where? Another hour of arguing. Kissing? Let's keep that to your own imagination. And the drive home.. Who will be dropped off first?

It all starts with a question..that question, will only lead to days and days and days of more questions, less answers. And hopefully it'll lead to a lot of good memories, bad dancing, and a whole lot of tired high school students.

Dear teacher I have Senioritis

I will look in the back of the book for all of the odd answers.. so when you give me a whole assignment full of odds, don't expect me to learn anything. If you're not going to grade this paper, then I will probably write about something irrelevant from shakespeare.. Like unicorns.. or my love for Nivea Chapstick. I couldn't tell you where my locker is.. I use my car. So when I say I'm going to my locker.. I'm probably just sick of hearing you talk about graphs, and cosines. And when you say I need to learn how to do this by hand, I don't really. Because when you're not looking I'll just ask my calculator to do it for me. As long as the answer is right, why do you care? I really would love to learn how to sew a gecko filled with rice... but I'd rather learn how to sew a snuggie. Because it's cold in here. No i'm not texting my friend who's sitting across the room, I'm texting my mom. Obviously. I read the book last night, but hey at least I didn't watch the movie right? Before you ask, I'm not sick, I just don't want to get ready anymore. And I will continue to greet this six hour block of my day with the attire I need to survive- A hoodie, boots, and my hair pulled back. Grading papers with blue pen instead of red makes me feel dangerous, and stapling my papers with a mini stapler makes the assignment much more enjoyable. I didn't forget my book, it's in my car, I just don't feel like carrying 10 pounds of dead weight everywhere I go. I don't have to go the bathroom, I have to go the vending machines because those little cheese crackers make this class go just a little bit smoother. And yes teacher, I really would be able to focus more if you would just erase that little marker line that you missed when you tried to erase the problem. I'm not sleeping, I'm just blinking really fast so it looks like my eyes are closed. Senioritis. You've been too good to me.

Give me an airplane..

I walked into my room, and a note was sitting on the edge of my bed. The note had been typed, and my name lined the front with red pen. Not knowing who it was from, I slowly opened the freshly printed page as if the words would somehow change depending on the speed I read it. The first line "What's up ninja!?" was typed neatly underneath my name. I now knew that my older sister had written the note. It was the day she left for college. She was moving 15 minutes away, and to me.. that was a lifetime. We had recently become the best of friends, getting over the "get away from my friends, I will kill you if you tell that story" stage. I read the note without crying every crossing my mind. By the end I could taste the tears on my lips. My older sister, the one I go to for EVERYTHING was leaving me. And to me, a 13 year old girl, that was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I didn't have my older sister down the hall from me whenever I needed her. She has always been the strongest most amazing person that I know. She has gone through more than I have ever come close to, and she has overcome it with class.

I now, sit here, 17 years old unfolding the old, over-read worn out piece of paper from a sister who now lives hundreds of miles away from me, married, and living the life she used to dream of. If only "figuring out a day that we can all get together once a week" was as easy as it was 4 years ago. She told me I would go somewhere with softball, as long as I played with class, respect, and humility.She said "Win with class.. because the next game you could lose. Treat everyone on your team and on the opposite team with respect. It is just a game, and as long as you are trying your hardest you will go far in everything you choose"I am now, 4 years later, looking forward to playing at BYU-Hawaii, thanks to a sister who saw the right way to get to my the dreams. She passed the torch to me, to take care of the family, and be the older sister.. which, I will admit I haven't filled her shoes with the poise and class she hoped for, but I've tried. And I know she is proud of me.

I am thankful for a sister who isn't afraid to post scriptures that inspire her on facebook, and one who will spend her nights with her little sister, instead of going out and hanging with her friends. I'm thankful for the texts, calls, and facebook messages, asking about my day, my life, and telling me how proud she is of me. I always lived my life according to what she did. She is my older sister, she used to always tell me not to make the mistakes she did. I tried so hard to learn from her mistakes, and be the person she wants me to be. And now.. I'm still chasing after the kind of person she is. And if, when I'm her age, I am half the person, friend, and sister she is, I will be one lucky girl.

I am thankful for everything that she has done for me over the years, and I don't think she gets enough credit. I don't think I've ever really told her how much I love her, and how much I respect her. So Angie, I hope you know how much I love you. I hope you know that you have been the best sister I could ever wish for. Thank you for being my rock, when I had no one else. Thank you for always being on my side, and telling me when I was wrong in a situation. Thank you for telling me how proud of me you are, and for showing up at every game, when you surely had better things to do. Thank you for dancing in the kitchen, sneezing like a baby, having road rage, punching me with your rings, smacking my butt, rocking out to Pink with me, and taking spoon me runs on a rough night. Thank you for always loving me more than your friends (even though you tried hard to deny it). Thank you for inspiring me to do bigger and better things in my life, and teaching me to handle obstacles with class. I miss you more than you will ever know, and I can't wait until my sister is only 15 minutes away from me again. Thank you for knowing exactly what to say, and for loving me through all the things I have put you through over the years. I love you sister. You are who I hope to become. Give me an airplane. I miss my sister.

My walls are breaking..

I Tried to come up with a witty or sarcastic comment to lighten the emotions my body has decided to put me through this week, but then I realized.. Life sucks. And sometimes, I just need to realize that life sucks, and a happy face won't make it go all away. Good things happen to bad people and good people get the shaft. My work shift started with a missed call.. which I now look back and am thankful I didn't take, for the mere reason that I wouldn't have been able to go to work after.

My smiles and laughter were cut short when my mom walked towards me with tears in her eyes. To hear that someone you love with everything inside of you is hurt.. or sick.. is the one thing that isn't fair in this world. I kept my guard up, I refused to cry I refused to let it break me.. that plan worked until I sat in my bathroom with my door locked and my music blaring.. I broke down. It built up until a flood of tears, and why's came pouring out of my unprepared body. Looking at the screen of my phone, I realized that the phone call I thought I was getting was actually on a total other spectrum.

I often ask myself why? Why did I wake up late? Why do I have homework? Why am I taking AP English? Those questions mean nothing.. because the moment you hear that someone you love might be sick and there is nothing you can do about it, everything else seems to fade into the darkness. Nothing compares to why do they have to go through this? Why them? Why now? Why not me? Why can't I help them? What do I do?

I realized today that I fear.. fear. I'm scared of being afraid. I'm scared of the unknown. I hate being incapable of fixing this. I'm angry. And I'm sick. Sick of the people I love hurting. I hate not being there. I hate that someone I love so much, may have to go through something I cannot even begin to comprehend. It's not fair. It's not fair that they have to go through this. The one person who has the answers refuses to give me one.. and maybe that's the answer. Maybe the Lord is trying to tell me that he has it handled.. That he knows that that person is strong.. and the only thing that I need to do is be supportive and be there for that person. Because all they need is a support system to get them through.

Heavenly Father knows us inside and out. He knows the end. When all we can see is the beginning. We will face trials and challenges in our lives that we are not yet capable of understanding.. He knows all. He knows the strength and the potential of everyone.. And for that we must put our lives in His hands. Because those hands are the only hands who can save us and pull us through everything that we don't think we can make it through. He has given the doctors the ability to heal, fathers the ability to bless by the priesthood, and family and friends to love, strengthen, and hope.

And although we cannot answer the question why?.. we can answer the question how?.. and that is through faith, hope, and trust in a Heavenly Father who doesn't make mistakes. Everything will work out how it is supposed to, even if we cannot comprehend. I cannot comprehend why.. Why this has happened.. and why that person has to go through this..But for now, I will be the strength they need.. I will not ask why. I will trust in the lord and do the things I need to do to understand. I will be strong because that is what they need..

And right now? I cry.. I cry, and I hurt, for the good people who get the shaft. Heavenly Father knows our strengths and that which we can overcome.. He knows what we cannot understand. I pray for comfort.. and I pray for strength.. And I pray for those who need the same. So for now... all I can say is, sometimes you might just need a good cry.. To be knocked down, to your lowest.. to realize the kind of strength you have inside of you. So let it out, put on a big t-shirt, and blast the music that makes your heart beat fast. Let your mascara run, your hair tangle, and your eyes go puffy. Shake, and scream, and ask why?.. and when it's all said and done.. stand up, wipe those tears from your eyes, lift your head up, and be the strength you hope to give to those who need it most.

I love...

Green Turning Arrows
Tapioca Pudding
Coloring
Princess and the frog, Finding Nemo, The Incredibles.... Ect.
Softball
Dirt
White Teeth
Sliding
A full tank of gas
Getting bruises and scars
Reese's
UPS Tracking
Car Seat covers
Tutu's
Brushes
Mascara
Zebra Straightner
Necklaces
Dr. Seuss
Inspirational Quotes
Sports Movies
Coaches Speeches
Ice Baths
Diving
Open Gym
Roller Blades
Warm Weather
Sleeping with the fan on
Spandex
Doctors
Finding money in my pockets
Handshakes
Mismatched Socks
T-Shirts
Showers
Smooth Legs
Music
Driving with the heat on, windows down
One Tree Hill and Pretty Little Liars
Cheese
Oprah
The Yankees
The way a room looks after being vaccuumed
Puddle Jumping
Babies
Baby Clothes
Giant Pens
Sales
Vans
A fully charged phone
The Sun
Hoodies
Coconut Syrup
Being done with the ACT
Smooth Pens
Laughing
Double Bubble
Nivea Chapstick
My Glove
Kneaders
Money
Swimming
Mini Staplers
Hair Elastics
Underarmour sports bras
Click Tampons
Play-Doh
Laser Tag
Oranges
Nail Polish
Winning
A walk to remember
Movie Quotes
Soft Tissues
Foggy Fruit Snacks, not clear ones.
Dill Pickle Sunflower Seeds
Lint Rollers
Accents
Static Guard
Boots
Polka Dotted underwear
The smell of crayons
Excedrin Migraine
Icy Hot
Underarmour hoodies
Cherries
paper after it's been written on with pen on both sides
Monkey's
Bowling
the smell of fire
New Ink in the printer
Mechanical Pencils
Retainers
Sticky Notes
Bendy Straws
Kool Aid
Gift Cards
Ipod Speakers
Ice Water
Eclipse Gum
Writing in my journal
Water Picks
Black and White Pictures
Phase 10
Getting my hair trimmed
The smell of rain
Popping my back, neck, and fingers
The bell ringing to end class
Calculators
My Stealth
Feather Comforters
Having an App for everything
Running the bases
Hearing the Airplanes in the summer
Leaves
My Batting Cage
Couches
Singing in the car
Carpool Lane
School
Having a dry car in the morning
Balloons
Hugs
Sarcasm

Leather, aluminum, and a whole lotta dirt.

Who knew you could fall in love with a sport. Softball has always been the one thing that has gotten me through everything. Bad day? Go out and throw. Rough test? Go hit. The stuff between the white lines helps the stuff between my ears go away. I can't figure out the answers to my math test but I can figure out if a girl is going to slap, or if she's going to bunt. Others get high off substances. The smell of the dirt after the sprinklers go on, and the smell of my glove when it comes out of my batbag. The feeling I get when I lace up my cleats, not knowing the outcome of the next 7 innings. The feeling I get when the only thing that stands between me and that base, is the bat in my hands. and the pitch coming toward me. I love the feeling I get when my cleat hits the edge of the base, and I can't hear anything but the wind through my helmet and the blood coursing through my veins. The sound of my parents screaming my name, and the feelings I get when the team comes together for a common goal. That's my high.

Failing and making mistakes. That's the name of the game. You fall 9 times, get back up 10. I have learned respect, and pride, and humility which has helped me both on and off the dirt. Softball as not just been a game for me, It has taught myself how to build relationships with people, it's taught me how to work for something that I don't believe I can do. It has pushed me to push myself to limits that my mind tells me I cannot reach. I have learned to respect my opponents and those who make the calls that I cannot control.

I am thankful for my coaches and my teammates who have made me laugh, pushed me to be better, and trusted in me when I haven't trusted in myself. Thank you to my family who has spent hours and hours driving and sitting, and yelling, and cheering. Thank you to my opponents for teaching me what kind of athlete I can be. Thank you to the umpires who have tested my patience. Thank you to softball.. for being there when no one else was, for testing me, for making me who I am. For creating the friendships that will last a lifetime and memories which will help define me forever. Without you, I could not stand here as the person I am today. I am so grateful for the time and money my family and my teammates have invested in me. Without you, I would be nothing. Softball. It's my life.

Coast Life...

I recently got a job at costa vida. I have had my share of sweet pork salads, and never really thought I'd want to work there. But when a door opens... you gotta take it! It's been fun, I work with my friends and don't have to work everyday. I will admit, I never really thought about what happens behind closed doors at a restaurant. I have recently discovered that the utensils don't magically restock themselves, and the floors aren't like the ones on Smart House where everything gets absorbed by a vaccuum. Thanks to my manager making me close by myself I have found a new appreciation for clean tables, chairs, floors, and bathrooms when I go into a restaraunt. And so have my back muscles.

Words of advice for the day: paying with 3 different credit cards, having 2 different points cards, and a 1 dollar gift certificate makes a pretty annoyed cashier.. yet I will smile and be patient and hope for you to return the favor in the tip jar. I never thought I'd see a 300 pound biker with a long gray beard adorned in leather, bandanas and chains hand me a credit card with bright pink fingernails... don't forget the time when a family of 6 payed a 40 dollar check in ones..oh the things you'll see at costa vida.

And for the record..you know, in case any of you Costa Vida enthusiasts are wondering-The computer doesn't lie.. I know you thought there were 5 dollars on your card, but what goes on between your ears and what the computer says are usually two completely different things. The forks are in the fork jar, the lids are in the lid rack, and the bathrooms are the doors next the the sign labeled 'bathrooms'. No you can't order right now.. you are not the President, Justin Bieber, or Oprah so you may go wait at the end of the line like the rest of the world. And if you could tell your buddy to get off his cell phone while he's ordering we all might be able to get out of here a little faster. Please think logically when ordering your flan to stay or to go... two spatulas and a broken flan later might just be the recipe for a flan in the face. Let's just say once flan finds a plate, it doesn't exactly want to be moved around. We close at 9. Not 9:01 not 9 and 30 seconds. 9. So please, all you sneaky little people who think they can come in and order a meal for every child in china at 8:59... Yes you're clever. But your cleverness does not in fact outwit the level of irritation you cause us. And now....Here's to the customers who know exactly what they want, and where their money is. And to the regulars who pay with exact change? You make my night. A special thanks to those who get their food to their mouths.. instead of the tables. Not to mention those who smile and say thank you. Costa Vida.. Thank you for the entertainment, free food, and money. Our relationship is coming along quite nicely.