insanity at it's finest

It's been quite some time since i've indulged myself in a "pity me" party. I typically try not to allow myself to cry.. because for some reason I feel like it's a sign of weakness, only coming from me though. I think it's perfectly logical for anyone else to cry, but me? cry? NEVER.

I have this idea that I am not allowed to help myself, and I have to help everyone else. Heroic? Hardly. More like a case of pride taking over. The words "I'm fine" should be banned from my vocabulary, these days. My shrink is this keyboard, so sometimes I need to be able to turn to writing and say, "I'm not fine". And the devil on my left is telling me that's not okay, but on the other hand I know it's okay to break down sometimes.

I am the most stressful person on the planet, if it was an award, I would surely have the perctly polished gold trophy sitting on the shelf above my bed. Unfortunately for me, stress is usually the foundation of the battles I fight with myself everyday. For those of you fighting to win that trophy...give up now, this is one competition I think I will win every time.

I can't seem to get through the first day of classes without having a mini stroke at the stack of work I will have for the next semester. I also can't fall asleep at night without going through everything I have to do the next day. And that can opener? That can opener that I cannot seem to learn how to use might just be the death of me. Insane? Probably. To my future kids: just put me in an institution, and feed me applesauce, and read me dr. suess books, I will be perfectly content.

I had a little bit of a breakdown, but my roommate came to the rescue with encouraging words of wisdom, and prayer. I am thankful for roommates who are so willing to listen, and whose first words of advice, are turn to the Lord.

I am thankful for priesthood blessings and the burdens they have the power to lift. For all of the girls: Thank those who are worthy to give priesthood blessings. In this day and age it is NOT easy to be worthy, and I am so thankful for all the boys who surround me who are not only worthy but willing to help all of us girls who are on the edge of a meltdown. That time of the month is not our only excuse to have a breakdrown. Sometimes we need to just let it out, and have a breakdown...but once it's done, pick yourself up and dust yourself off and move forward stronger than ever.

I may be crazy, but I'm thankful for the support of all the other crazy people in the world who get me through my pity parties.

Nothin a little oreos, and prayer can't fix.