Sunday Pondering.

Ever Since I have gotten into the social work program I have realized that talking is a good thing. When I was little, I was such a little stress ball (I still am). My mom would beg and beg for me to just talk about what I was feeling instead of keeping them in. I'm pretty sure I put here through a lot of hellish days because of my inability to communicate how I felt.

I would keep everything bottled up inside until eventually one day it would explode. Whether I took that frustration out on the field, on myself, or on an innocent bystander (mostly my mom), it never ended good. I never felt like I had the ability to put words to my emotions. That's why I started writing, and why I started this blog. As a place for me to go to let things out, because that was the only way I would say what I felt. I can't even count how many times my mom said "Kayla write to me if you're not going to talk", because she knew that that was the only way she could get through to me.

I'm super bad with telling people how I feel, good or bad. I'm not good at showing how happy I am, even if I've never been happier. people always ask me if I'm upset, because I don't always know how to show my emotions, even if I'm super happy that day. But from day one in the social work program, I have been challenged to talk about my feelings, talk about things in my past, and talk about things that I want. It's a challenge for me, because I am always the one to say "I'm fine, i don't care, I don't know". I think the Lord knew I needed help in this department and that's why he guided me to it. I have learned so much about myself through the social work program. I have learned how to be better, I love studying, and I know that a career in helping people is something I have always wanted to do. The funny thing is, I didn't even know social work existed before I came to BYU.

When I first got the phone call from the coach at BYU Hawaii, I knew I wanted to come. I also knew that if I didn't play softball that I probably wouldn't come to Hawaii, it was just so far away, and if I didn't have a team and something to do all the time I was probably just going to stay in Utah.

The first year, softball definitely didn't go as planned. I tore my labrum, but played through it. Had a coach who didn't even come to practice, and hated most everything, and it was just the most mind draining challenging thing I've ever had to go through. I came home and got shoulder surgery so I could play. This year, is a little better but it's still so draining. There are times when I ask myself why am I playing? If I was supposed to come here for softball why am I playing?

But then I realized, maybe Softball was just Heavenly Fathers way of getting me to come to BYU Hawaii so I could be put in front of the opportunities he needed me to receive. I never even knew what social work was until I came here and had a prompting to sign up for it as a general. The minute I walked into class I knew that was what I was supposed to do, and my patriarchal blessing confirmed that.

I have a testimony that heavenly father knows the end, while we only see the right now. Sometimes it's hard to trust in him, but I know that he does things in a way that things need to be done, not because we understand them. Maybe I'm not supposed to play softball, maybe that's not why I am here. But maybe, he placed me here so that I could figure out what I'm supposed to do in life, because somewhere down the road there is going to be a life that I am going to need to impact in some way or another. I have faith that He guides my every move, and that if we trust in him our lives will be impacted in a way we never thought possible.

What we think is right is no where near as important as what God thinks is right. I have a hard time communicating how I feel, I get frustrated, and one day it all explodes. But I know that Heavenly Father has put me here to learn how to communicate, to learn how to become better, and to maybe help some people along the way.

There is positivity in all things... even if we think we are on the path of darkness, trials, and mistakes I know that the Lord blesses us with knowledge and strength through all.

And through it all, I know that I am exactly where I need to be, even if it's not for the reasons I originally thought.

So for all those people who don't know how to communicate, or don't know how to show their emotions, sit down, and talk to someone. Ask about THEM. Ask about their life. Ask them how there day is on a scale of 1-10, and figure out what makes THEM stronger. Through the strength of others you find your own strength. And maybe, communication isn't such a bad thing.